I have a few questions.
1. When will I die?
2. Will I go to Heaven or Hell?
3. Will I ever have a kid?
I will answer your questions one at a time and hopefully clear up a few common points of confusion about myself. As Death, I make promises. They are always the same and always kept. You should know what they are and what they aren’t.
When will I die?
The answer to this question is always anytime. It could be anytime from your next breath to the upper range of possible human life expectancy. I suppose this question means you want to know your “fate” but I make up my mind in that eternal now. I don’t plan ahead. Your fate is to die whenever. You are not special nor immune nor fated to make it until one hundred. Neither were the people who lived past their hundredth birthday.
Of course, there is a bell curve of probability. A lot of people like to guess their 70s, 80s or 90s. And sure, I take a lot of people in those years but I depart from it all the time as well. You can live healthy and increase your survival stats a little but I can still take you anytime. My promise to you is that you will die and you don’t know when. You will have to build that into how you plan your life.
Will I go to Heaven or Hell?
As death, I bring everyone to the same place. I don’t make distinctions. I don’t care about your beliefs or religions and I’m not in charge of judging anybody. Every last person of every religion comes to my gates. Atheists come here. Those who believe in heaven, hell, reincarnation and nothing all die. I bring death to all. Be a good person and death is your fate. Be horrible to everyone and death is your fate. Your life may be as different as day and night but your death will be death.
Whether some other power segregates you again after death I cannot say. Frankly, I don’t know how that power would tell you apart from here because it is so quiet and dark in my domain. But perhaps, past my gate, other mysteries take place well hidden from me and also from you. Whether you would like to have faith in something like that is a choice the living get to make.
If you do believe in something after death, I can tell you your sense of identity could use some broadening. Who are you without your body? Who are you without the distinct set of relationships and choices you made in life? Most of what you identify with in life will not be relevant or exist once I’m done with you.
Will I ever have a kid?
Do you want a kid? The answer to questions like that is always “sure,” until it isn’t. What you do while you still breathe is your affair. Have a kid. Adopt. Become a master in the art of drag and have drag daughters. There are so many ways you can be part of nurturing the next generations if that is how you want to fill your life with meaning. I don’t dictate your fate beyond that you and any children you have will die. Remember your time is precious and limited and then decide the experiences that will mean the most to you.
P.S. You are getting the Ask Death Advice column Newsletter because you signed up for the WeCroak App Newsletter. We couldn’t think of a fun thing to email you for a while but now we have. We are answering your questions from the prospective of death. I hope you enjoy.
Do you have questions you’d like Death’s perspective on? Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org
About This Advice Column
Ask Death is loosely inspired by an ancient Stoic spiritual exercise called The View From Above. It’s about looking at your problems from a larger perspective. When done well, this perspective leads to transformation of our views on the world, deeper meaning and equanimity where before there was confusion and stress.
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If you must know, the person writing for Death is WeCroak App Co-Founder Hansa Bergwall. He is doing his best to set aside all personal opinions and views to answer questions from the perspective of death.
“I don’t plan ahead, your fate is to die whenever” the best outlook on life, ever.
Wow. You missed a lot. What about if life (as usual) threw you a curve ball?