Dear Death,
What do we do to stay happy in the face of unrelenting tragedy? I can’t open the news today without seeing horrors from the floods in Texas, with pictures of children’s camps destroyed by floodwaters with the kids still in their cabins. I’m worried I’m being selfish for even trying to be happy when the times are so awful for so many people. And I know that tomorrow it will be some other awful event. What can I do? Do I just stop reading the news altogether?
Sincerely,
Tired Doom Scroller
Dear Tired Doom Scroller,
Don’t look away. You have to face the world as it is and that includes its destruction. I know a lot of people will tell you to stop reading the news if it makes you upset. It won't work. The walls of denial you will build pretending the world is safer and kinder than it is will only increase your anxiety over time. The only way to a better experience of being alive is through the gauntlet of witness, acceptance and wise action.
Let’s first talk about how turning it all off and pretending the world is other than it is, forms a category of delusion likely to make any problem worse. The recent catastrophic floods in the hill country of Texas were made more lethal by a lack of urgency. It is likely the widespread delusion that denies the climate has changed and extreme weather events have become more common and more dangerous contributed to county officials sitting on federal money meant to improve communication systems in a crisis instead of using it to make their county safer without delay. Indeed in video from debates on whether to accept the money officials seem more concerned with their dislike of the Biden administration than the rising risk of catastrophic flooding. That unconcern looks like the common delusion of ignoring or denying unsettling new information.
It was the 19th century Spanish painter Goya that said, “The sleep of reason produces nightmares.” Camp Mystic, the girls summer camp nestled on the banks of a river, became such a nightmare when floodwaters swept dozens of young girls away. The flood may not have been preventable but an earlier warning, or a zoning inspector insisting cabins in the floodway (the most dangerous part of the floodplain) be moved to higher ground would have changed everything for quite a few families this month.
It is hard to witness the destructiveness of natural disasters and it is even more gut wrenching when the poor decisions of people compound the sorrow. I understand why you would want to turn it off and think about anything else. Here is what you can do instead.
First, learn how to witness. To witness is to see something clearly and to do that you must find the bigger perspective that transcends the emotions and makes the witness of nightmares bearable. When you see a news story and notice it is upsetting you, imagine you are reading the story 300 years from today. You and everyone in this story is already dead and they would be dead whether the disaster, or massacre or war had happened or not. Recognize that life is fleeting and precious and that tomorrow is promised to no one.
As you witness, turn away from empathy, defined here as feeling the pain of others. The suffering of this world is infinite and feeling the pain of everyone else, especially in this highly connected world, will drown you in sorrow. Accept that suffering is real and you will have plenty of your own and it isn’t appropriate to take on the suffering of everything you witness. It is appropriate to witness with concern and wishing well being on all.
Finally, move into wise action. As you now can see the mistakes people have made like a clever historian from the future, what can you learn from what you see? What can you do that is kind on behalf of the people affected by the disaster if anything? How can you learn and prepare your community for similar tests of destruction?
As Death, I cannot tell you everything will be alright. More disasters and death will come. Some will be natural, others entirely manmade and many will be a combination of both. However, for as long as you are alive, you will feel better if you do your best to see the world as it is through witness. You will find great satisfaction in life when you take those insights into wise action to help yourself and others. Action inspired by clear-eyed reckoning with the world is among the most beautiful and powerful things a human is capable of. Inattention will never get you there.
Sincerely,
Death
**** Some Other Big WeCroak News ***
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We Made a New App! We are independent app makers and our thing is helping people with nudges that add up to a much better life. Our new app Social Stomach available on iOS is a tool for tracking social meals. You are a social mammal and one of the simplest things you can do to feel better in life is to eat together with other people more. In 2014, America crossed a sad lonely line becoming the first society, likely ever, to have more eating occasions happen alone rather than together. The app is completely free and right now we would just love more people to try it and tell us about their experience. The vibes are a bubblegum pink and baby blue contrast from WeCroak with a birthday cake as a logo representing the most social food in the world but the basic philosophy is the same. It will nudge you to do something small with, hopefully, an outsized return on well being.
Changes to Ask Death? Finally, I’m not getting enough questions to keep the Ask Death column as regular as I’d like so I’m considering using this space for some other kinds of writing than the advice format. Is there anything you’d like to see? Send your ideas to askdeath@wecroak.com and you may see the Ask Death space expand into something you’d like.
And if you do have a question for death, that is always welcome. Send them to askdeath@wecroak.com.